Saturday, July 7, 2012


The elderly. That lovely group of people we chose to ignore except, when they die. That’s when we keep our fingers crossed and pray that they remembered us in their will.

We also don’t forget them on week-day mornings. That’s when we think they drive too slowly or they don’t walk fast enough across the street. Don’t they realize we gotta hurry up and make a Starbucks run!

Ummm let’s see, I’m trying to think of the last time I see an older person on T.V….. Oh I know, Mickey Rooney was trying to get me to buy life insurance and Florence Henderson was talking about dentures. Then there was the story about the elderly lady that stepped on the gas petal instead of the brake petal and drove her car into a plate glass window. No one was injured but the last time I checked she now works as a stunt woman for a major movie studio.

Then we try to pretend they don’t have sex. They all have nice clean thoughts. We treat them as a bunch of sexless beings from another planet whose only joy in life is when their grandchildren give them their latest finger paint masterpiece or when they win at bingo. Oh and of course you know that all elderly people are heterosexuals.

God forbid if they try to look nice. Then we accuse them of trying to be young.

Oh and those big giant cars they buy, you know the ones that are as big as boats. We laugh at them but deep inside I think we’re jealous because we know our credit sucks so bad we have to resort to buying your typical compact car that smells like plastic. Then we lie and say we buy tiny cars to save the environment knowing we’d give our right arm to have Grandpa Mitch’s Cadillac complete with a V8 engine and those large leather seats. The only plastic Grandpa Mitch smells is when he whips out his credit card to pay for his Denny’s grand slam breakfast. :o)

The next time you see an elderly person walking or driving down the street just remember one day it's gonna by you. And for some of us it's sooner rather than later !


Wednesday, July 4, 2012



I had the day off on Monday (my daughter's birthday) so I did some channel surfing among other things. In between the court shows and the car insurance commercials were these bland swagger less daytime shows.
These are the shows where they tell you how you can go to Europe on a budget and how you can buy a designer wedding dress for fewer than five thousand dollars.
Who the heck has the vacation time and the money to go to Europe and who's getting married! I mean seriously!!!
The main themes on these kinds of shows are:
  1. Makeovers for women, 
  2. How women can lose weight,
  3.  How to find the right pair of designer jeans,
  4.  The right bathing suit,
  5.  The right makeup
  6.  The right purse
  7.  The right shoes
 Oh I forgot one more thing; how you can wear the same thing all the celebrities are wearing for half price. They usually do these segments after the Oscars.

Then there comes a time in the show where they get out their expensive cookware and try to teach you how to cook. They use all these fancy vegetables and spices and then they tell you all these things can be found at your local specialty store. I don't know what neighborhood you live n but I can imagine trying to find all this stuff in Boise Idaho or Detroit Michigan could be a challenge.

I won't even go into the segments where they bring out a corny actor or actress that you never even heard of and asked them all kinds of prescreened senseless questions.It’s all just one big train wreck!!!

What do I think about all this advice their giving? I’ll quote the Isley Brother’s;