Saturday, July 7, 2012


The elderly. That lovely group of people we chose to ignore except, when they die. That’s when we keep our fingers crossed and pray that they remembered us in their will.

We also don’t forget them on week-day mornings. That’s when we think they drive too slowly or they don’t walk fast enough across the street. Don’t they realize we gotta hurry up and make a Starbucks run!

Ummm let’s see, I’m trying to think of the last time I see an older person on T.V….. Oh I know, Mickey Rooney was trying to get me to buy life insurance and Florence Henderson was talking about dentures. Then there was the story about the elderly lady that stepped on the gas petal instead of the brake petal and drove her car into a plate glass window. No one was injured but the last time I checked she now works as a stunt woman for a major movie studio.

Then we try to pretend they don’t have sex. They all have nice clean thoughts. We treat them as a bunch of sexless beings from another planet whose only joy in life is when their grandchildren give them their latest finger paint masterpiece or when they win at bingo. Oh and of course you know that all elderly people are heterosexuals.

God forbid if they try to look nice. Then we accuse them of trying to be young.

Oh and those big giant cars they buy, you know the ones that are as big as boats. We laugh at them but deep inside I think we’re jealous because we know our credit sucks so bad we have to resort to buying your typical compact car that smells like plastic. Then we lie and say we buy tiny cars to save the environment knowing we’d give our right arm to have Grandpa Mitch’s Cadillac complete with a V8 engine and those large leather seats. The only plastic Grandpa Mitch smells is when he whips out his credit card to pay for his Denny’s grand slam breakfast. :o)

The next time you see an elderly person walking or driving down the street just remember one day it's gonna by you. And for some of us it's sooner rather than later !


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